The wind is blowing

Day 2. It's windy and cold outside. I'm here in the country in Rhode Island, alone, isolated -- and working. I'd like to feel like that wind is blowing through me and pushing out all the negativity and making room for some positive, new thoughts and ideas.

Had another disappointment (opportunity?) yesterday regarding a potential consulting opportunity that could have led into a full-time job. Do I really want a full-time job? I think so. I know it will take some adjusting, since I've had gobs of free time to do whatever I please and I can work in my underwear if I please. Is man's rejection really God's protection? I'm kind of tired of the consulting life and the lack of structure. Think I need more structure in my life. It seems to be emotionally stabilizing when I get it. I'm tempted to take anything that comes my way at this point, though I need to be patient, discerning and hope for the type of work that will be meaningful, fulfilling and interesting for me. I'm reading Marsha Sinetar's book "To Build the Life You Want, Create the Work You Love." http://www.marshasinetar.com/ It's interesting and inspirational and feels very much like she's writing about me. The last time I had a career crisis, (my second mid-life crisis), I went to a workshop at Kripalu http://www.kripalu.org/, a center for yoga in the Berkshires. It was a five-day workshop, where I met Sinetar and David Whyte http://davidwhyte.bigmindcatalyst.com/, a poet who wrote "The Heart Aroused" (Poetry and the Preservation of the Soul in Corporate America). I had been in a full-time job in PR at the time and was on my way out, but wasn't sure which way to go. The workshop helped and so did the yoga. Not long after that I left my job and started my own consulting business, which is still in existence, but the well has dried up -- partly because I haven't been dipping the bucket much. Got a little lazy, having had one very good client.

I spent a lot of time yesterday looking at blogs. Googled "meaningful work blogs" and came up with 1,320,000 entries. Mine was not on the top of that list. There's a lot of literature out there though and many people apparently looking for the same thing. Also checked out Monster and some other job sites. Sent an application to a recruiter for a job representing a law firm - director of external communications. Do I really want that? The money's good, but again, is that the best reason to follow that opportunity? Could be interesting work and it's worth exploring. Also found another post on another site that was offering "meaningful work." It's a company that aligns corporations with social causes. Seems a lot closer to what I'm looking for. They requested an impossibly thoughtful and engaging cover letter with my resume. I got creative and put it together last night and figure I've got nothing to lose (except the job opportunity) by sending in a very unusual, provocative, compelling letter. That's what they asked for. We'll see how much they meant it.

One of my greatest frustrations with this current search is the lack of response that people provide once I take the time and thought and put in the energy to respond. It baffles me that people are so unresponsive. A form letter even? Is it my age? I do believe that it may have something to do with it at times. Some are looking for seasoning. Others may look at it as "expensive," "low energy," "wants a life."

Anyway, I'm back on the road again today and feel like I made some progress yesterday. My cash flow is eroding and I fear that I'll have to start dipping into investments. Don't want to do that, but what is a reserve for anyway? Gotta get to work. It's 11:30 already! That's one of the problems when there's no structure and I have nothing to do when I wake up in the morning. Well, there's always something to do, but there's no one cracking a whip behind me, not that I want that either. I have to remember that I've had a successful career and that this blip is just a little time in the desert. A time to renew, reinvent, rediscover, and find something that will provide more satisfaction than what came before. Found this site that may help to stay positive during the trial http://careerencouragement.typepad.com. Stay tuned.

The Search for Meaningful Work

OK, so I've taken the leap. A blog! A way to merchandise misfortune. Or, is it fortune in which I find myself, at 54 years old, self-unemployed, questioning, looking, managing rejection? It's been frustrating for this baby boomer, who's spent most of his career inventing and reinventing himself, taking risks and generally being successful in each of my endeavors. I can't remember the last time I've been in this situation, without any employment, self or otherwise. Been managing my own media relations, consulting business and teaching since 1998. It's been very successful for the most part, though things went south a bit after 911. Managed to have an apt. in NYC, a house in the country, car, dog, to eat well, live well. Along with this fortune has come a degree of loneliness, isolation and dissatisfaction. Am I a malcontent or do I have a legitimate crisis? Not my first one either. Had one back in 1994 after working as a freelance writer/photographer for 13 years. Went back to school, Harvard Divinity School, to explore a career in pastoral counseling, social justice -- wasn't quite sure where I was heading with it. Had I continued the three-year program, I would have gone back the second year to work in in-home hospice in Boston. Went back to NYC that summer after the first year to freelance in PR (more lucrative than taking the $10 per hour job as a gardener in the Center for World Religions), though that might have been the more heart-felt choice to make at the time. I don't regret the choice, but realize that chasing the $, has sometimes lead to less satisfactory situations, when following a deeper desire to connect with people in a more authentic way might have been the call at the time. The money, however, has enabled a lifestyle that also has brought a measure of satisfaction. Where's the balance?

I'm excited about having created this blog, at the urging/recommendation of a friend, whose wise counsel and intelligence I appreciate. It's part of my intent to redefine myself and find a work/life solution that will allow me to live in abundance with engagement, stimulation, compensation, satisfaction, integrity and meaning. Not asking for too much, am I? If nothing else, it may begin to provide the outline/direction for that book that I've thought about writing for decades now. And for now, I might even have some readers to provide the feedback, comment and insight that could make it a volume that might help others who find themselves in this same dilemma. That's all for now.